FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
