She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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