The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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