i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
