I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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