rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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