I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
