my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
