You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
