Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
