end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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