At least make sure they are 18
Why
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
