Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
