i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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