she looked like the before picture.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
