i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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