Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Your penis caused this!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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