now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
