oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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