The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
