I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
