We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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