Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
