his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
