My friends, they love my intelligence
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
