***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
