I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
