I am in a vortex of obligation.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
