no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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