I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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