Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
