Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
