Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
too bad you live with your parents still
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
