Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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