can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
