Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So here I am, sexting at work.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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