Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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