I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
