So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
