Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
