Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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