1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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