i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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