I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
