oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
