I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
