the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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