We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
