yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
