Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
