Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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