I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We need to rekindle our bromance
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
