you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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